Cezare - an Old Friend & His Message of Hope
As soon as we walked in the door, Cezare shouted enthusiastically: "Please, sit down!" "You must stay for a long time!" and "Please, you will have lunch with us!" Then came the food: BBQ pork ribs, cheese, salad, bread and saucisson.
"Oh my god, we just ate at IHOP. I can't eat any of this," said my stepdaughter Prescilla through clenched teeth.
"Ssshh," I said. "Let's be nice to Daddy's friend. They haven't seen each other in years."
Earlier that day, we were driving through Matawan, NJ where my husband Eduardo had lived for 12 years during his previous marriage. So many memories, I thought as he pointed out his old hang-out spots. Then we drove past a house with its neatly manicured lawns and colorful flowers that decorated the front.
"He's alive!" he said. "Let's go in and visit."
Cezare was Eduardo's neighbor and their back lawns used to be connected. At 85 years old, Cezare was still strong as an ox and cared for his garden long after retiring as a landscaper. For more than a decade, their friendship strengthened. After spending hours doing yard work, the men would relax and chat over homemade wine and eat his famous grilled Sicilian ribs.
Then over time, as his marriage started to disintegrate, Eduardo spent less time taking care of his backyard. Cezare saw less of his friend, and then the visits stopped altogether when Eduardo moved away to NYC. That was eight years ago.
Cezare couldn't stop beaming the moment we walked in. First the look of surprise at seeing his old friend after all these years. Then a flurry of English, Spanish and Italian words as they caught up on each other's lives. They understood each other and that's what mattered. Eduardo looked so happy to be reunited with his old friend.
When Cezare first greeted me, he pulled me close and kissed me on the cheek. Then he shook my hand so firmly that I thought it was going to fall off. He looked great for his age and I could tell from his tanned face and weathered skin that he still spent most of his waking hours outside taking care of his beautiful garden.
His wife Maria was lovely too - she was a plump Italian mom who couldn't stop serving us food. "You married good man," she told me with her thumbs up.
During our meal, in broken English, Cezare shared about his grandson getting married and how it was harder for him to get around and take care of his garden now that he was older. "Your baby?" he asked, probably referring to how Eduardo had a little baby at the time. He laughed and pointed at Prescilla, "She's not a baby anymore. She's 14!"
After much eating (after all, it was our second lunch!), and as we were getting ready to leave, Cezare looked pensive. He quietly asked what had happened. Eduardo said that back then he had to leave, that his marriage had ended and he needed to move on. I sensed the feeling of loneliness that Cezare must've felt years ago when his friend had left without saying goodbye. And that for many years, he probably wondered if Eduardo was happy and If he'd ever see his dear friend again. He was like a son to him.
Then Cezare patted Eduardo on the back and said, "Ah you happy. You have new family. Good!" Then he boomed out an Italian phrase with the words "prima vida" over and over again as we headed to the car.
Later I asked Eduardo what Cezare had said before we left. He grinned and said, "After a difficult period, sometimes you reach the prime of your life."
Yes, I think that's true.
The Same Sky Cafe: A Successful Evening of Travel Story-Telling
What do a wandering yak, a marooned couple with a jetski and a sad Laotian woman reminiscing about the war all have in common? They are stories from The Same Sky Cafe: Travel Readings from Debbie & Friends. And what a turnout! 62+ people showed up to celebrate our evening of storytelling on June 17th in NYC at the K-Lounge, a comfy lounge with delicious Indian food. I shared readings from my published travel memoir The Same Sky including a harrowing yet intriguing story about how I got arrested in Tibet. There were fab readings from CeCe Yuan about a Paris mishap and Mackenzie Miller who read a delightful piece about self-reflection and traveling.
Then Sandra Pike took us on a photo journey to Cambodia and Burma, peppered with heartwarming stories along the way. The Mom Wong Monologue was also a hit as I highlighted the comical yet realistic cultural divide for an immigrant mom raising her children in Canada so many years ago.
And the panel moderated by Alex Damian, fellow Canadian, was very interesting as we heard about Kathryn Cooper's intrepid journeys to far-flung locales while Kristin Fields' hilarious yet heroic navy rescue during a not-so-great cave trip drew giggles from the audience. ("What do you mean your rescuers wanted to be paid by credit card??") I also described a silly story about how I was stuck in a tiny town in Burma and the whole village turned up for a pig roast in honor of our visit.
My highlight? That it was an evening that touched us differently. One woman shared how she felt inspired to travel to a remote off-the-beaten-track country soon. Another person wrote that my reading about a Laotian woman who revealed her suffering during the Vietnam War reminded her of the bravery of those in war-torn countries "who remain compassionate, generous and determined. I think we need to be reminded of the ability to overcome adversity and bitterness and still interact with fellow occupants of this planet." Great email!
Finally, a really touching moment: I met a Canadian guy at the end of the evening as we were all shuffling out of the K-Lounge. He asked to buy my book The Same Sky for his sister who is facing a similar situation of a breakup and the quest to find oneself, the main theme of my book. Later, he sent me an email: "I walked away from that evening with a real sense of connection with you and your fellow panelists...and the mindset behind the decision-making to set out on a journey, to move forward and the many discoveries found along the way."
Wonderfully written! The whole purpose of the evening was to bring artists and travelers together to share the beauty of traveling and self-discovery so that we can open our hearts to other cultures. I'm pleased that we accomplished our main goal for many who attended the evening. More travel storytelling events to come!
Happy Father's Day!
Last week, long after the moving trucks drove away and we had the laborious task of unpacking our boxes in our new apartment, I came across my father's memoir.
Several years ago, I bought a tape recorder and I interviewed my dad, recording hours of dialogue about the history of my extended family and how we ended up in Canada. All my life, he had talked about the importance of our family history and where we came from and the hardship that our family endured to stay in Canada. As a teenager, I had tuned it out in favor of listening to MTV music videos and gabbing on the phone with friends. As an adult, and with my father getting older, I became curious about my Chinese heritage, and I needed to capture the family history soon. Otherwise all the memories and stories would fade into the background and our future generation would never know the truth of how my parents left their Taishan villages in China to follow the dream of a better life in Canada. So I recorded the long history of my family background including my mother's, and then I transcribed them onto paper.
Our interview was one of the most touching things that my father and I ever did together. He not only shared about his own experiences but he even went as far back as 1891 to describe how his forefathers toiled in China and eventually ended up in Vancouver only to face the unfair Head Tax imposed on Chinese immigrants back in the day. I learned a lot too, including how my father suffered seasickness while on a boat from China to Canada, how he was a scared immigrant teenager attending King George high school with barely any English, and how he worked multiple jobs (i.e. taxi driver, milk delivery man, wrestling match ticket seller) over the years to keep the family going.
So when I discovered the memoir again, it brought back memories of his honest storytelling and the urgency to get this bit of history out there for my siblings and our children to read one day. On Father's Day, I would like to give a shout out to my courageous and generous father who has always put our family first and instilled in us a spirit of bravery and perseverance!
Chance Encounters When We Need Them the Most
"Pork fried rice with wonton soup please," I heard the man on the phone say after I picked it up. The voice sounded familiar.
"Hey, what kind of joke is this?" I asked. "I'm not your Chinese food takeout girl." Then the man said, "Okay sorry, wrong number." By the time he hung up, I recognized the person's voice as a good friend of mine. So I called him back.
"That was me!" I said. We both had a great chuckle about it. He had accidentally called my number when he meant to ring his local Chinese restaurant on Staten Island. Maybe he got the wrong Wong? How funny!
We ended up talking for a long time and it turned out that he was actually going through a bit of a rough time personally in his life. So I listened and we shared perspectives. Then later, he texted to say thanks for the accidental phone call and that it was good timing. He needed a friend at that moment, as we all do from time to time.
I'm reminded about the chance encounters that happen out of the blue, a human connection that touches us even for a moment. Like that time, years ago, when I had a falling out with a co-worker and I cried all the way home on the subway. An older gentleman with the kindest eyes sat down next to me and offered a tissue. He said, "It's going to be okay." And when I looked up, he had scooted off the train and disappeared into the busy crowd. For the rest of the ride home, I felt better that someone, even a stranger, understood that somehow the sadness would pass.
Or that time when I was on a bus in Vientiane, Laos. A young Swedish girl sat across from me and she looked miserable. Tears rolled down her cheeks as the bus jerked along on the bumpy road. I was hesitant to say anything because I didn't know her and I had just come out of a relationship and was backpacking through Asia to heal from it all, an epic story that became the basis of my travel memoir. I couldn't open my heart to anyone. But suddenly, I did. I leaned over, gave her a tissue and said, "You okay?" She looked relieved and we talked for the entire bus ride. It turned out her boyfriend had just dumped her (by email!) and she felt so hurt, so lost. I also shared what had happened to me. How wonderful that we were two strangers opening up and sharing our deepest thoughts with tears streaming down our faces. When the bus arrived at our destination, we parted ways and I never saw her again. But I'll never forget how that chance encounter with someone touched both of us, just when we needed it the most.
Love is everywhere when you need it
This week has been a rough one for me in more ways than one. And I'm thankful that there are so many people who love me and remind me that I'm not alone when going through a difficult time. Here's to family, friends and an awesome hubby!