Let's keep the travel spirit alive
The virus can stop our travel plans....but not our travel dreams - Rick Steves, NY Times Travel Editor had said that at the height of the pandemic. Despite all that's happened, we want very much to keep the travel spirit in us alive. I'm excited to host a 45-min live virtual event called Postcards & Travel Stories on Nov 6, and several people will share a favorite picture from a past trip, along with a cool story. This is a great opportunity to discover what is possible and inspire us to turn our travel dreams to reality as we plan to visit and explore new cultures again.
Join us on Nov 6 at 9:30 am Pacific / 12:30 pm East Coast for 45-min of adventurous storytelling.
Register here! For more details, you can also visit https://debbieylwong.com/#events
We Can Travel Again
Someone asked me recently, "Do I miss traveling?" And I paused and thought it was a tricky question. I don't miss the lineups at the airport. I don't miss feeling jet-lagged. I don't think I would even like all that hassle now with the mask-wearing and the covid-testing. What do I miss?
I miss exploring a new city, a new culture, a new anything.
I miss hearing a different language spoken all around me as I cruise through an open market.
Most of all, I miss the EXCITEMENT in my heart to explore and FEEL ALIVE again.
We feel fortunate to still travel locally, and it's been a beautiful experience visiting the mountains and lakes near Vancouver where we now live. Next year? Our hope is to travel internationally soon, perhaps to the cozy side streets of Japan's rural countryside or to visit an awesome art museum in France again...
Where do you want to travel? What do you miss the most about traveling?
What Makes Love Last?
I recently discovered a podcast called What Makes Love Last? which captured exactly what I needed to hear at the moment about love, life and relationships.
Last Sunday was our 3rd year wedding anniversary, so it was good timing to hear tips from Dr. Gottman, a relationship guru on love or in other words, how not to let your marriage tank. Apparently, what makes love last isn't always the far-flung trips abroad. Nor the expensive jewelry or even the five star restaurant meals. Quite simply, it’s the every day humdrum of life: the words of appreciation for picking up takeout and the thank yous for vaccuuming even if your partner's turn to do it. A big part of this is “turning towards each other” and really taking an interest in his life like listening to a problem and showing empathy without always wanting to jump in there with a solution.
Why do these things matter?
If these small acts of love are peppered throughout the day to build the "emotional bank account", then when conflict does happen, all that love capital acts as a buffer. In other words, we are going to be much more loving and kind to each other even when arguing and then it’s easier to ‘repair’ the relationship. But if there's a zero balance in the emotional bank then, well, the claws come out and it just isn't pretty.
Did I mention we just had a baby this year? Although we adore our new daughter Claire who is truly a joy, life has changed completely for us: sleepless nights, cranky conversations about poo / diapers and lots of stress and uncertainty about how to navigate life with a new baby. Moments like these can make it hard to be loving to each other. I can see now how divorce rates skyrocket during a couple's first year of having a baby. So lately we've been trying hard to follow Dr. Gottman's easy tips: showing appreciation for making dinner, saying thank you for taking out the garbage even if it's the person's turn anyway. And listening to his passion that may not necessarily be mine like his enthusiasm for archery and Genghis Khan’s conquests. (Ask me anything about Genghis and I’ll tell you!)
One of the best tips I ever heard was from my friend Jenny who has two boys and she shared this: connect together as a couple for a few minutes when coming home after work. This is so important to do because it's easy to rush into questions about the baby, laundry and who picked up milk. Jenny recommended a connection area like the foyer but in our tiny 2 bedroom NYC apt, the three foot radius behind the front door next to the coat rack will do. Every evening, when we come home from work we try to hug, connect, ask questions and listen before we enter into a flurry of our usual evening activities with the baby. So simple, yet it's not always done.
We don't have all the answers and I'm baffled at how hard it is to manage our lives as new parents without falling apart. Sometimes I look at other couples on the subway and wonder how they do it. Dr. Gottman mentioned that the divorce rate is too high in the U.S. because people give up too easily. Perhaps the idea of trying hard is insurmountable to many when actually the little acts of appreciation every day make a huge difference between staying together and growing apart. I'm leaning more towards making our love last. Here's to another three years!
Happy Birthday The Same Sky!
Wow - a year ago this past weekend was my official book launch of The Same Sky, my travel memoir in Tibet and Southeast Asia after a failed relationship. Looking back on that special night of the launch held at the splendid Tibet House, I feel blessed that more than 115 people came out for an evening of readings from my book, Q&A and stories from other travel writers. And it wasn't just any random audience - they were travel enthusiasts coming together to share the love of culture, exploration and self-reflection.
In the past year since the book launch, I've held three more events: two Same Sky Cafe: Evening of Travel Storytelling in New York and another book launch in Vancouver, my old stomping ground. There has always been a great turnout of interested travelers who come and listen to travel stories by me and other writers as well as view photography from Bhutan and Cambodia. Wow the buzz and excitement in the room afterwards!
So why do I bother doing any of this?
To me, I want to pay it forward.
I moved to NY in 2000 feeling brokenhearted, lost and vulnerable after a particularly bad breakup. I wanted to write about my story and how I escaped with just a backpack and journal to far-flung Tibet, Laos and Cambodia for three months to rediscover myself. I needed to share what happened and to give hope and peace to others who also suffered calamities of the heart. Now, years later, I finally published my story that has helped me pay it forward to others through my book and the travel storytelling events I put together. Not only do I share the love of travel but other main messages surface: you are not alone. As you travel along your emotional and physical journey, you meet locals who have experienced war and death, and they can inspire you to believe in a strength you never knew you had.
And if those messages can touch someone's heart whether through my book or at my event, then it has been well worth the effort.
Here's to another opportune year for The Same Sky!
We discover the most interesting things when we aren't looking for them
When I think about highlights from 2014, I remember my trip to Buenos Aires. I'm reminded of how the beauty of traveling is in discovering the unknown and most importantly, the unplanned. Sure, we did the usual touristy stuff expected of any visitor to BA. We cruised through the famous colorful Boca neighborhood, took tango lessons, and ate way too much steak, but best of all, the memorable parts of our trip were discovering little surprises along our way that weren't on our itinerary.
This picture of this cool bench with the 'runaway' wood is from the MALBA - Museo de Arte Latino-Americano right in the heart of Buenos Aires. We actually stumbled upon this museum after a long jetlagged first day in the city and almost skipped it. It turned out to be the best museum with the innovative architecture and modern art that piqued our curiosity.
The next day, we were on the hunt for a good cheap eatery and discovered two statues at a roundabout. I thought they were interesting - an elegantly poised female statuette with a stern-looking rigid statue in the background. We loved how we would turn the corner and find art in the form of statues, paintings, architecture wherever we went.
On one particular afternoon, we turned into a courtyard and found this non-working bicycle with a pebbled arrow next to it. This piece of art blended nicely in the background and we almost missed it.
Finally, when it comes to eating when traveling, it's best to be spontaneous. We arrived late in Tilcara, a small dusty town in the north close to the Andes Mountains. As soon as we sat down to eat in a cozy restaurant, we saw a guy next to us eating what we thought looked like potato soup. "I'll have what he's having," we told the waitress. It turned out to be a hearty TRIPE dish - not what we expected! It was delicious and my husband Eduardo ate every last bit of it.